A star on Uber’s Walk of Fame

 

Congratulations! As an Uber rider you’re by design an inductee for the Uber’s Walk of Fame. We, the Driver, we’ll give you from one to five stars no matter if you want it or not.

I’m sure that every driver has his own criteria for giving stars. There are unwritten rules about using Uber and mostly revolve around don’t do in my car what you wouldn’t do in yours (if you love your car that is). Below is my list. It’s not a complete list and I might add to it from time to time.

Five stars award goes to:

  1. You get on the front seat, are a happy passenger and like to talk about anything. Five stars and appreciation for giving value to my time. Thank you for your business!
  2. You get in the car, back or front, with eyes glued to your smartphone. Easy ride. Love people that mind their business.
  3. You have small children with you and a booster seat for each. Safety comes first.
  4. You asked for Uber Pool, socialize with the rest of the passenger and include me in the conversation.

Four stars award goes to:

  1. You backseat drive me. I don’t care if you know the city like the back of your hand. I receive my real time info from my GPS software (Waze or Google maps) and I need to focus on driving you where you need to go safe without having to choose from two sources of information.
  2. If you have one small child with and no booster seat. Lucky you, I have one in my trunk, but you’re being an irresponsible parent and I don’t like this.
  3. You asked for an Uber Pool and make an unhappy face when I stop to take a second passenger. Read the fracking instructions! Uber Pool means that you share your ride with other people.

Three stars award goes to:

Nobody. I don’t see the point of giving a “meh” characterization.

Two stars award goes to:

  1. You backseat drive me and give the wrong directions. Especially when you do this on the highway and make me miss the right exist.
  2. You entered the wrong address in the Uber app and ask me why we aren’t where we’re supposed to be. The answer is kind of obvious.

One star award goes to:

  1. You asked for Uber Pool and comment about the other passengers after they left for making you being late or something you didn’t like. Please see my advice above about reading instructions.
  2. You start to eat in my car without asking permission and you leave a mess behind you. I will remember your name and you’ll never get a ride from me again. I hope Uber will create a blacklist as soon as possible.
  3. You comment on people that we pass by on the street. When this happened (the target of his idiotic remarks was a woman) I stopped the car and drop his sorry ass off. I think he saw on my faces the futility and the high risk he would take if he objected. Being fat and having large shoulders has advantages.
  4. You have three small kids with you and expect me to take all of you without booster seats. It’s criminal and illegal. I will tell it to your face and I will drive away.

If you’re an Uber driver, you’re welcome to add your reasons.

Short disclaimer: The Journal of an Uber Driver is a work of fiction.
Long disclaimer: The literary exercise to define a nowadays character for a novel led me to create these 25 blog posts. This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. Any opinion expressed about Uber should not be interpreted as having a negative connotation. I admire the company as an incumbent of the platform economy and I am a registered Uber driver for research purposes.